Jon Radtke (liljonny) wrote,
Jon Radtke

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I'm there to monitor your breathing I will watch you while you're sleeping. I will keep you safe

I flew home to Chicago last night after talking with Majandra just a bit more. I left feeling pretty good, I mean the best I could feel anyway. We've said so much in the past few days that I know we both need time apart to sort through it and decide how we feel. I think that is all we can really do at this point. I know where she is and she knows where I am there is nothing really blocking us anymore. In the end I needed to finally go home so I could be with the rest of the band and start a month long writing stint.

I got home just a few hours before Greg and I were to go DJ at Elm Street Liquors. I should have went home and got cleaned up but I really didn't want to go into my house. I realized I haven't actually been in my place since July 27th so you know, why start now? While Greg was getting ready I hopped on his laptop to update my Myspace check the KH site to see if Mat updated at all and he did. I was instantly amused by his update before I even got to the body of it. He wrote;

date: 8.14.04
climate: electric storm last night
reading: book of poetry from a fan in Milwaukee
watching: Fuse, warped tour coverage
listening to: AFI sing the sorrow ; Cheap Trick the flame
x-box: off
eating: vicodin
drinking: vodka

It was very funny to me because it was only a little over a year ago here on LJ he wrote;

Mat Toy Soldier Devine (_matdevine) wrote,
@ 2003-07-20 20:23:00

Current mood: weird

Date: 7/20/03
Climate: September only July
Reading: Warning labels
Watching: Things fade in and out
Drinking: vodka and v8
Eating: vicodin (hence the triple v cocktails)
Listening to: Pixies

I called Greg over to share in my amusement and we both started cracking up at the update. I forgot how funny it was.

Rawr to those in my path the past few days.
Rawr to those who will be in my path.
The triple v cocktails aren't working anymore and daddy needs a new drug.

They say I need to do something wholesome. Go bowling Mat. Don't you like bowling? Bowling is good, you set the pins up and knock them down, set the pins up and knock them down, set them up and knock them down, get set up and get knocked down.

It's of no consequence. Band is doing well. Atlantic has chosen to up our release date by two weeks from Oct 28th to Oct 14th. They've officially chosen August 25th for the day that, "I Want to be a Kennedy" is to be released to radio stations across the country. The music will flow like ice cream from kids speakers and they will all say, "Mommy, Daddy I want ice cream!" All the parents will say, awww how nice my kids want ice cream instead of cigarettes and drugs, of course we'll get you ice cream. Of course they'll forget that ice cream can give you cavities and then I am under their skin.

10 years later I will be fishing on an island in Jaimaica and my model girlfriend will be there with a grass skirt and coconut bra, feeding me drinks. At that point I will know I have accomplished all I ever wanted in life and I will walk out into the ocean and let my body float out with the tide to be consumed by the sea life, becoming one again with mother earth. Much in the same fashion of a dying Native American that travels deep into the forrest to pass o

Lmao like a native American. Sometimes I seriously forget how absolutely insane he is. I was planning on showing it to him when we got to the bar but I realized that it was the first time that parker ever commented to him so I realized that would be really bad probably. Nothing really happened last night at the bar that is worth mentioning. It's always the same shit anyway and I get tired of feeling like I am having deja vu or that I am just rehashing the same shit over and over again.

However when it was closing time Mat and I skipped out on the after hours party and started walking home. I can't tell you the last time we did that. It seemed like it's been forever that we stumbled out of the bar, when I could walk, and just chatted while waiting for the next train to come. We were about half way to the stop we needed to be at before he turned to me and asked me if I wanted to go to the train stop. It was completely out of the way but it didn't matter. That seemed to be the place to go to. For a moment my brain flicked that it was a bad idea with how absolutely trashed we were but then again years ago we would be just as fucked up if not more and nothing happened then, why not tempt fate once more. Before I knew it I was already changing my direction and heading to the Red line.

Now there is a stop on there that we discovered one night roaming the city fucked out of our minds. At that time of the morning no train actually stops at it but trains do go past it and fast. The platform is high up and old. The metal on it you can see is rusting and even when you're standing still you get the feeling that it could collapse at any moment even though it probably wouldn't. I can't tell you how many times one of us have been up there and slurringly proclaimed that they were going to jump to the concrete below. I think people took it as a suicidal thing and it wasn't. It was more of an invincible thing because I don't think either one of us believed we'd die even though that was most likely the outcome. It was more of a, even though we have this feeling in us that makes us want to jump, even if we did we'd survive because we're stronger then that.

We sat on the bench talking about things you only say at 2 something in the morning when you have been up for God knows how long and have God knows how many substances in your system. It was so quiet, so very quiet before you could hear the train starting to make it's way to the stop. I sprung up and put my toes at the very edge of the platform, putting my arms out to the side and grabbing the steel girders. The train let off it's horn to warn that it was coming before the platform started to shake. Think of The Lost Boys when they are at the bridge and Michael is trying to hold on for dear life. The train passes before you feeling like it's going at the speed of light. Hands grip the bars hard as a inch forward would find your face smack into the side of the train. Everything quakes, your chest rattling like someone inside of a cage, gripping the bars trying to shake them loose. Then as soon as it started it's over. We both fell down on the platform, me laying on my back laughing harder then I have in a long time. I tried to look up at the stars and realized there were none. Here in the city the moonshine is pale and the sky is black. That is what there is to see.

Once it was out of our systems we hopped up and made our way back to where we were supposed to be. I forced him to come back to my place. A part of me really didn't want to go there again alone and from the nights events I could tell leaving Mat alone would probably be a bad idea. It may have been a year ago or more since we were both feeling this way but I still know what to do. We sat around talking a bit about what we were going to work on as far as writing goes. I got really long winded and noticed he fell asleep on the couch while I was talking. So, for old times sake, I pushed him off the couch and passed out on it myself. It feels good to be home.
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