Jon Radtke (liljonny) wrote,
Jon Radtke

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oh i miss the kiss of treachery the aching kiss

The shrill sounds of screams rung through my ears. My body so bent I could barely stand. My head so clouded with anger that my eyes saw red. My stomach turning so much I was sure I was going to be sick. If I could have shot the stereo I would. I wondered how anyone could be so cold, until I looked at you and understood. My blood froze as it ran through my veins, eyeing you like you were Satan himself. Do you remember the things I said to you? Do you remember how I tore you down? I used to think you got some sort of sick perversion out of it. Pushing me to those limits and then watching me break down, break you down, break the world down around us.

You could turn it off as quickly as you turned it on. To have me screaming one minute and begging the next. You knew all along...all along.

now that i know that i'm breaking to pieces i'll
pull out my heart and i'll feed it to anyone
crying for sympathy crocodile cry for the love
of the crowd

I made it about myself. I made it about what I could do and what I couldn't do and it was never that at all, was it? Maybe I was too young to understand. Maybe I didn't want to see it for myself but when clarity comes to you in a dream like it did last night, there is no denying it. I understand now what I couldn't before. For the first time I realize what that was all about and I assume you must be laughing right now. That you saw all of this coming.

I selfishly believed it was about inflicting pain when really it was a warning against it. It was about being true to yourself before you get in too deep and find that the water is too deep to swim in.

happiness murmured in dreams when we both
of us knew how the end always is...
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