Jon Radtke (liljonny) wrote,
Jon Radtke

  • Mood:
  • Music:

We'll shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey they're always there

It was early this morning when I left Parker sleeping in the hotel room. The sun wasn't quite up yet when I reached the top of the cliff I had jumped off of just a few days earlier. I kicked off my shoes and let my toes dangle over the edge while I brought my knees up to my chest. Even though the morning was a little chilly I felt comfortable bundled up in my hoodie looking out over the ocean and watching the fishermen begin their daily rituals. It's hard to say how long I was out there but the sun was fully up by the time I stood up and pulled off my hoodie, tossing it aside before taking a deep breath and diving into the water. Not just a jump but a real dive, head first.

When you hit the water that hard it's almost painful. The ocean feels as though it's swallowing you whole and then suddenly you're in it, a part of it and it's soothing around you like a blanket. I held my breath longer and opened my eyes examining this scenery that was below the surface, what was always there but from the cliff I had no way of seeing until I took that jump and opened my eyes. I could have spent a lifetime on that cliff looking out over the ocean and watching the people work but I never ever would have seen the school of fish that swam by me under the water or the black coral that seemed to make snake shapes from the lava that once poured into the sea. I needed air as I broke the surface. It funny how the one thing I needed was also the cause of my eyes stinging. The salt in my eyes burned as the light and air hit them but it was worth it to have seen what I did. I knew now that jumping wasn't the wrong thing it was just done in the wrong way.

I swam to shore and climbed back up the cliff, gathering my belongings before going to rent some diving gear. Goggles to protect my eyes and a tank of air for my lungs. With the right protection taking a look at the things I wanted to see wouldn't be as afflictive. I found a group of teens that were taking out their boat and spoke to them a bit, convincing them to let me go with them so I could dive. A few kilometers off the shore they stopped and I tried to remember what I could about diving. I found it to be like riding a bike, once you learn you can't really forget and within moments I was in the water.

It was so serene. So peaceful. I felt like I was floating as I looked around at my surroundings. I swam for a bit taking it all in when I noticed, swimming on the ocean floor below me, a angel shark. I followed it for awhile and maybe I shouldn't have. There's a strange feeling in the pit of your stomach when you're suddenly surrounded by a swarm of barracuda's. It's funny how dangerous they can be and yet I just floated there in awe of them until I was ready to search out something else. Getting further away I swam into an anchor that was located near a cave. I didn't trust myself enough to venture into it and the lighting I had wasn't suitable for cave diving anyway. It's probably just as well since I came across a watery grave and that gave me a sinking feeling. I started to head back into the direction of the boat, avoiding jellyfish and admiring how red some of the starfish were that rested on the coral reefs. With my tank getting low on air I slowly made my way back to the surface, hopping back into the boat that had the kids fishing in it.

It was early evening before they took the boat back to shore. Tired from spending the day in the sun, I apologized to Parker for having been gone all day but I could tell it was unnecessary and that she understood. We ordered dinner in and I started listening to the first My Chemical Romance cd. It's hard to believe it's been over a year since Gerard first started talking about his motivation behind that cd to me. What the songs were about and what they meant to him. I remember the first time Gerard started telling me about "Vampires Will Never Hurt You."

And now the nightclub set the stage for this they come in pairs she said
We'll shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey they're always there
Someone get me to the doctor, and someone call the nurse
And someone buy me roses, and someone burned the church
We're hanging out with corpses, we're driving in this hearse
Someone save my soul tonight, please save my soul

He used to tell me about this bar in New Jersey where he would spend a lot of his time. It was during a time when he thought he needed a lot of medications and would go to the bar every night to sit and drink and watch the other people come and go as he drew. He said the only thing he ended up observing was their lifelessness. That all these people did every night was work all day and drink all night. Staving off the lonely feeling by being with other people in the same predicament. That they felt they were connected by something because they had their hang outs and that nothing would ever really change in their lives, they'd always be vampires. Feeding off each other, getting drunk every night and rushing home before the sun came up. Part of me feels like I have turned into that. All parties have to come to an end sometime, right?

Aug 12, 2004 04:45 PM

Johnny and I also have friend name Jack who many times have gotten us in trouble!!!! Rockstar or not i will never forget the time you made us drive past the real world house to see it!!!! You reality TV whore!!!

Hahah what the hell? Who doesn't love The Real World?

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic